


Matters of Vital Importance

by OnyxBird



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Bilbo is an expert dwarf-wrangler, Gen, Humor, Kíli is a problematic patient
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-11
Updated: 2013-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:34:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25096174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnyxBird/pseuds/OnyxBird
Summary: Kíli is delirious and determined to carry out some very important tasks. Bilbo proves his talent in handling a delusional dwarf.
Relationships: Bilbo Baggins & Kíli
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Matters of Vital Importance

A slurred voice rang out suddenly over the Company's quiet camp. "Fíli! Get your swords! We need to help Uncle!" Heads snapped in Kíli's direction as he stumbled to his feet. He had been sleeping heavily, feverish and ill as he recovered from a poisoned arrow wound he'd sustained during their last encounter with orcs. His poisoning had been the worst injury of the battle. The others were nursing only minor wounds. Thorin and a few of the other dwarfs were out trying to supplement their supplies with some fresh game, while the others set up and secured their campsite. An orderly, _quiet_ campsite up until Kíli's outburst. Baffled, Fíli leapt to his feet to head his brother off.

"Kíli, Kíli, sit down. What's wrong?" He blocked his brother's path and tried to gently herd him the few steps back to his bed. Kíli would have none of it. Wobbling on his feet, but with an air of great determination and urgency, he tried to side-step around Fili. It didn't work. It _did_ make him nearly fall over. The rest of the camp's occupants rapidly converged on the brothers, concerned by Kíli's sudden, erratic behavior.

When side-stepping failed, he tried to push past. "Why are you just standing there? Uncle's waiting for us!"

Fíli grabbed Kíli by the shoulders as he swayed, eyeing him in concern "No, Kíli, he's not. He's just out hunting. He'll be back soon."

"But the _trolls_ ," protested Kíli earnestly, "We have to warn him. They've got a cheese knife!" Nine dwarfs and a hobbit stared at Kíli in utter confusion. "A _cheese_ knife!" Kíli repeated earnestly, as if this explained everything. Fíli opened his mouth to speak, and then closed it again. There was simply no sensible response to that statement.

Bilbo glanced around at the dwarfs. They all seemed equally as baffled and worried as Fíli. Kíli, for his part, was getting more agitated by the moment as they all failed to grasp the enormity of the situation. "We have to warn Uncle before the oliphaunts arrive!"

Bilbo glanced around once more. He didn't really feel he was the right person to address this, but if no one else was going to speak up, then he supposed he would have to. He cleared his throat "Right, then. Kíli, what do we need to tell Thorin about the trolls?" Several dwarfs glanced at him in surprise. Kíli turned his feverishly bright eyes from Fíli to Bilbo.

"The trolls—they've got a cheese knife. They're going to skin the..." Kíli's forehead wrinkled. He seemed to have slightly lost his train of thought. "...the oliphaunts." he finished uncertainly.

"The trolls are coming to skin the oliphaunts with a cheese knife?" asked Bilbo.

Kíli frowned, swaying in Fíli's grasp as he thought about this. "No..." he said, slowly, "No, the trolls aren't going to skin the oliphaunts. They...they want to skin us, so they can eat us. But they need the oliphaunts to turn the spit." He met Bilbo's eyes. "Uncle needs to know," he said solemnly.

Bilbo nodded cautiously. "Yes, that does sound very important," he agreed. Fíli shot him an outraged look. He did not appreciate their burglar encouraging Kíli's in his delusions. Bilbo ignored the look and kept talking to Kíli. "You're very right. Thorin must be informed at once. Someone must go to him immediately." He hesitated as he mentally ran through the list of dwarfs. "Um...Nori can let Thorin know right away." Nori looked startled, but caught on quickly enough.

"Yes, I'll tell him right away. Trolls and oliphaunts coming to skin us." He stepped away from the group and picked up his coat, as if preparing to leave the camp.

Kíli protested, "No, not Nori. Fíli and I are supposed to go help him. Uncle will be waiting for us." Nori paused and raised an eyebrow at Bilbo: _What now?_

Bilbo licked his lips as he thought quickly. "Ah, yes, Thorin did mention that, but _then_ he changed his mind, remember? He said it was vitally, vitally important not to leave the camp unguarded when there were trolls about, and that is why he wanted you and Fíli to stay here and make sure the camp was safe. He was very specific about that. Very specific indeed." Bilbo nodded firmly.

Kíli looked doubtful. "But...but the oliphaunts...they could attack him in the woods."

"Ah. Yes. But Thorin and Dwalin and Gloin will be able to dodge them out in the woods. The oliphaunts won't be able to maneuver well out there. If they attack the camp, we'll be much more vulnerable, so it's very important we keep a sharp lookout. And that is why we need you and Fíli here. We need keen eyes watching for trolls and oliphaunts." Bilbo wracked his brains for where to go from here. Keeping Kíli from trying to rush off into the woods looking for Thorin was all well and good, but he really should be lying down, not trying to patrol for troll attacks. "Watching for trolls and oliphaunts...and eagles, of course."

"Eagles?" asked Kíli, puzzled. The others looked equally confused.

"Yes, the eagles. They said they'd warn us if the oliphaunts got too close, because...once we see the oliphaunts themselves, they'll be close enough to be very dangerous. The eagles will make sure to give us plenty of warning so we'll be ready." Kíli nodded thoughtfully, trustingly accepting this new fact on Bilbo's say-so. Bilbo continued, "So while Fíli watches for trolls coming from the woods, we need _you_ to watch for the eagles. I think it would probably be best to lie down so you've got a good, clear view of the sky."

"Oh...Okay," agreed Kíli, considerably calmer. "That makes sense." He finally permitted Fíli to herd him to his bed and help him to lie down. Bilbo patted his shoulder and "reminded" him of the signals the eagles had promised to give if oliphaunts appeared. Kíli obediently (and sleepily) settled down to begin his sky-watching vigil.

Confident that he was settled for the time being, Bilbo turned away to find Thorin watching him. Startled, Bilbo wondered when the three hunters had returned and just how much of the bizarre conversation they had witnessed. He didn't relish the thought of having to explain why he'd just instructed Kíli to shout if an eagle waggled its wings twice. He suspected Thorin would find the situation in general, and Bilbo's method of handling it, less than amusing. Thorin silently stepped past Bilbo to kneel down next to his nephew. Kíli blinked sleepily up at him. "Uncle? You're back. Did Nori tell you about the trolls? I'm watching for eagles, in case the oliphaunts come." He paused, then "None yet," he assured his uncle with utmost seriousness.

Thorin smiled slightly. "Yes, Kíli. Nori told me all about it. Dwalin, Gloin, and I dealt with the trolls and the oliphaunts, so there's no need to watch for the eagles anymore. Thank you for looking after the camp while I was gone. Good work." He patted Kíli's shoulder reassuringly. "Why don't you go to sleep now?"

Satisfied that his nephew was resting once more, Thorin nodded gruffly to Bilbo as he rejoined the others. It was as close to thanks as Bilbo was likely to get. He had almost put the incident out of his mind when he heard Thorin mutter to Nori "A _cheese_ knife? Where on earth did he come up with—" He stopped abruptly. Bilbo couldn't see his face, but he had the impression that Thorin was deliberately _not_ turning to look in his direction.

"Hmm? You were saying, Thorin?" said Bofur, looking amused.

"Never mind."


End file.
